Ageing Dis(Gracefully)


I used to be what I would call, completely ageist; scared of getting old, frequently lying about my age to the point where I didn’t really know it anymore, and making snap assumptions based on something which is only really a number. Funnily enough, once I matured I slowly grew out of it. Age, maturity, sophistication (and any of those other traits that we assume come from growing older) are actually not always mutually exclusive, but of course, that’s ironically something that you only see with retrospect.

On my Sunday shifts at work I would read the paper and frequently stumble across age themed articles like: “Things you should know by the age of 30”, or “10 essentials every woman should have in her life”. Let me tell you, I still don’t own the perfect little black dress, oversized white shirt or stack of classics but nevertheless I was always captivated by these elusive ‘shoulds’.

Here’s my own tell tale signs that you’re no longer in your early twenties and are in fact, aging (dis) gracefully….

  1. It’s more likely that you’ll wake up before 6am than get home after 5am

  2. You realise that kissing other girls is a tired party trick

  3. On Saturday nights you would prefer going to a dinner party with 7 friends than a night club with 49834 sweaty strangers

  4. Everybody hates confrontation but you know when you need to apologise and how to do it authentically; with flowers, a hand written note or face to face

  5. You know when to hold your tongue (and stay silent) or keep it in your mouth (and avoid party pashing someone completely inappropriate)

  6. You enjoy your own company and get weird if you don’t get enough ‘ME TIME’

  7. You own at least one full set of wine glasses

  8. Your parents become your favourite people in the world

  9. You ask Why? to learn more, not just so you can argue your case further

  10. You know when not to spend your rent money for the week on a bag

  11. You know when to spend your rent money for the month on a bag

  12. You look at other women in awe, rather than with envy

  13. There’s at least 3 foods that you previously deemed inedible that you now can’t live without; olives, avocado, anchovies, capers, oysters, quince paste, eel, tofu..

  14. You are comfortable being naked in pubic change rooms, and getting changed in front of your girlfriends

  15. You can confidentially manoeuvre in heels – that includes running and being able to keep them on for the entirety of an event

  16. Your approach to sun is less ABT (Always be Tanning) and more SPF30

  17. You are intimately acquainted with your sexuality and realise that most of the sex that you had whilst you were young(er) was shit, limited, shallow and selfish

  18. Conversations with your friends include topics like hiking tracks and your Adairs membership

  19. You know that cooking has nothing to do with femininity

  20. Buying boutique candles, hard cover books & tea are common indulgences

  21. You finally realise that women dress for women, not men

  22. You’re not afraid to spend a large chunk of coin on buying quality bedding

  23. You understand and excercise cost-per-wear analysis

  24. You finally understand the allure of lingerie

  25. You’ve thought about Perception vs Reality more deeply than wondering which Instagram filter to use

  26. You know when it’s time to hang up your boots and go home for tea/corn chips & guacamole or a valium sundae.

Yours in age & grace,




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