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Boy vs. Man

Is there a huge difference between a Boy and a Man, other than the obvious years of maturity and personal evolution? Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I’m a woman. I can tell you though, that there’s definitely a significant difference between being a girl, a teen girl (when you think you’re 28 but you’re 15) and an actual woman. Age is one of those mysterious notions that we constantly question, and rightly so. Part of me thinks it a fluid concept and we float between evolutionary moments that are only pinned by psychology and subjectivity. Without delving heavily into a nature vs nurture debate and instead calling upon one of my finest qualities; the ability to make sharp judgemental assumptions based on observation (not always correct, I warn you) I’ll give you my shortcuts to making the distinction between a Man and a Boy, just incase you want to know before you get too involved.

Telltale signs include the following:

  1. He doesn’t own a set of matching glasses that are unchipped.

  2. His room smells like nothing other than 'Eau de Boy'; smelly feet, dust, twisted underwear, take away grease and mouldy cheese.

  3. You frequently wonder if he’s ever learnt to have sex past masturbating with a vagina. Signs point to no.

  4. You fear going to a restaurant with him incase he doesn’t know how to use cutlery, in fact you’ve never seen him use cutlery (or in a restaurant).

  5. His Mum still buys his underwear (and you can tell).

  6. A Boy will ask you to ‘hang out’, a Man will ask you out, and make plans.

  7. He has no particular scent other than a slight odour of damp.

  8. He has no opinion about anything beyond "fuckyeahhh" or "nah man".

  9. His conversation skills are below average; he either mushes all of his words together, abbreviates until there’s no semblance to the English language or says things like ‘yeeee’, ‘HAH’, ‘OHkayyy’, "WYD", "U UP?", ‘Hup’, or ‘baby babbyyyyyyy’ on repeat (and he’s obviously not A$AP Rocky, Ferg or Lil Wayne so there’s no excuses)

  10. His diet consists of burgers and burgers and double burgers.

  11. He considers KFC an okay meal option because, protein.

  12. He spends more time on snapchat or taking selfies than looking at you during conversations.

  13. He wouldn’t know what chivalry was if it held the bathroom door open for him.

  14. Every surface of his car is covered in rubbish.

  15. His favourite beverage is a Jagerbomb and he has to yell when he says JAGERBOMB!

  16. He doesn’t own a fitted suit.

  17. It’s possible that he does not own a washing machine because his clothing is often visibly dirty.

  18. He gets into bar fights after 3 beers.

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