Updated: Oct 1, 2021
I hate to tell you this but closure isn't real. Closure has become an overly romanticised, almost poetic concept that we’ve decided that we need to benchmark the end of something and memorialise it before we are able to progress and move on.
I think the biggest mistake here is that we’ve confused the terms; clarity and closure. Clarity is something that most us (the overthinkers at least) look for to identify the reason for an ending. Closure is the extra layer on top that we romanticise as the cherry on top, allowing us to “move on”.
Here’s the truth though.
Closure comes from nobody else other than YOU. Of course, you can seek clarity around any circumstance or situation but closure is not a final conversation, a revenge plot, having sex one more time, handing back a key, a mixed tape or a home made pasta recipe. These are all examples of personal rituals that we apply to label closure. The key word here is personal. You are inherently deciding what will give you closure, which is fine until you add another human being into the mix.
Relying on another person to give you closure through any or all of the above forms is risky, particularly when the necessity of which is often ambiguous or nonsensical.
Asking another person for closure means that you are requesting that they help you recalibrate and reconcile your emotions; something which we can only achieve alone. Even requesting clarity from another human is risky. Sometimes, you’ll be lucky and you’ll get it but you need to remember that clarity for every individual is based on THEIR perception of a circumstance and can also be scuttled by their interpretation and feelings towards you. They might not want to hurt you, so they curb the truth, they might be frustrated and not willing to give you an answer, they might not have processed the situation themselves yet and thereby their answers will reflect this. Sometimes, though it’s frustrating, you’ll never get the closure you seek. Often there’s no black and white resolute answers, there’s only grey space and roundabouts of circular thoughts.
Therefore, clarity and a sense of finality can only be reached when you decide you’ve reached it. You are allowed to memorialise the end of anything in any way you please but the success of it is inextricably linked with your control over it. My hack for closure; keep it personal and controlled and don’t involved others and you’ll reach it much faster.