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How to get a man to commit

In a world of ambiguity and a zillion boxes to tick between a first date and the status change defined by commitment, what does it really take for a man to commit? Is it your ability to skull beer? Affinity for white lingerie, domestic goddess like existence or perplexing but charming personality?

None of the above.

As always it’s more to do with him, and less to do with anything to do with you.

Here’s the three most crucial components lying between a man and commitment.  

  1. It feels good. Feeling good is probably the biggest motivator behind absolutely everything that human beings do. Even if the something is wrong, bad or expensive, if it feels good we’ll likely do it. Repeatedly. Please also see: masochism and binge drinking. For a man to commit to a relationship he needs to feel good as a result of spending time with his chosen partner. Not only does this mean that he’s happy when he’s with you; he feels insatiable, loved, respected and generally speaking, like a king but also, when you’re not around he likes the thought of being in a relationship with you. He’s not afraid to tell his mates that he’s under your beautiful thumb. Even more critical is the fact that being with you inspires him to be a better version of himself.

  2. He can be himself. This isn’t about the fact that he can fart, eat pies and watch footy without seeking forgiveness but instead, about maintaining his holistic authenticity. Ultimately, everyone wants to be with someone that loves them just the way they are, and men are no exception. A man wants to be with a woman who loves him for his most genuine self, without the bells and whistles and the elusive promise of a fairy-tale that he may or may not be able to provide one day. He needs reassurance that you will love him for who he is regardless of his successes and failures.

  3. He can give you what you need. And, no I don’t mean a yacht or pair of Choo’s.  A significant part of being male is defined by the ability to be able to provide for a partner. Adequately providing for his partner is determined by his own moral compass, circumstances and integrity but for the most part, if a man cannot provide (in some way) he will feel unfulfilled. If he is not in the right place to provide to you; emotionally, mentally, physically and/or financially it’s highly likely that a man will be uncomfortable committing to a relationship. As unwarranted as it may be, he’ll feel like a failure if he is bringing nothing to the table.

Commit with care.


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