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Do not resusciDATE
In a world of swimming subjectivities it’s hard to know who’s sage to date, who’s boring, and who is just pure relationship carnage. Sometimes you need to know when to walk away and when NOT to resuscidate.
Here’s some clues to help you spot them:
during the a date you’re bored and find yourself wishing that you were be anywhere else, including in a spin class
he eats fake sushi off the revolving train
he has visible remnants of fake tan on his wrists or ankles
he gets trollied, or arrives at a date wasted
he doesn’t use manners
he’s constantly on his phone sending emails or texts
he struggles to make eye contact because he’s gawking at your boobs
he asks you to pay for dinner, half way through dinner
he has LOTS of baggage which he opens and spills all over the floor, regularly
he frequently talks about exes, or refers to other girls (past, present or future, real OR imaginary)
he talks about money; either how much he has or how much he does not have
you cannot have an intelligent conversation together
he borders on intense way too quickly; naming children, using the we persuasion too frequently, referring to future events (next year) or sending you pictures of his cat/nephew or car
you catch him out lying, or vastly elaborating more than once
he’s ridiculously picky. I’m talking soy latte, no foam, extra hot, ¾ full kinda picky. He’d be the type that would fold his clothes (and socks) before getting into bed for a romp, and imagine cooking for him – ANXIETY
he fails to be polite to wait staff, bar tenders or taxi drivers
he seems disingenuous, and possibly like sells stolen watches for a living
he never asks any questions – usually generally indicates egoism
his texts put you to sleep (see guys that make you go zzzzzz)
he won’t let you get a word in because he’s too busy talking about his guns/car/football/bros/how many Instagram followers he has
and there you have it kids, commit to wasting less time by spotting red flags eeeeearly and do not resusci-DATE!