Do not resusciDATE




In a world of swimming subjectivities it’s hard to know who’s sage to date, who’s boring, and who is just pure relationship carnage. Sometimes you need to know when to walk away and when NOT to resuscidate.

Here’s some clues to help you spot them:

  1. during the a date you’re bored and find yourself wishing that you were be anywhere else, including in a spin class

  2. he eats fake sushi off the revolving train

  3. he has visible remnants of fake tan on his wrists or ankles

  4. he gets trollied, or arrives at a date wasted

  5. he doesn’t use manners

  6. he’s constantly on his phone sending emails or texts

  7. he talks about himself and how busy and important he is – all of the time

  8. he struggles to make eye contact because he’s gawking at your boobs

  9. he asks you to pay for dinner, half way through dinner

  10. he has LOTS of baggage which he opens and spills all over the floor, regularly

  11. he frequently talks about exes, or refers to other girls (past, present or future, real OR imaginary)

  12. he talks about money; either how much he has or how much he does not have

  13. you cannot have an intelligent conversation together

  14. he borders on intense way too quickly; naming children, using the we persuasion too frequently, referring to future events (next year) or sending you pictures of his cat/nephew or car

  15. you catch him out lying, or vastly elaborating more than once

  16. he’s ridiculously picky. I’m talking soy latte, no foam, extra hot, ¾ full kinda picky. He’d be the type that would fold his clothes (and socks) before getting into bed for a romp, and imagine cooking for him – ANXIETY

  17. he fails to be polite to wait staff, bar tenders or taxi drivers

  18. he seems disingenuous, and possibly like sells stolen watches for a living

  19. he never asks any questions – usually generally indicates egoism

  20. his texts put you to sleep (see guys that make you go zzzzzz)

  21. he won’t let you get a word in because he’s too busy talking about his guns/car/football/bros/how many Instagram followers he has

and there you have it kids, commit to wasting less time by spotting red flags eeeeearly and do not resusci-DATE!


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