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Don’t Do Everything Drunk

I know that I’m generally an advocate for doing most things a touch tipsy, because, ya know….alcohol is a nectar of pleasure. Sometimes though, sobriety can be a more skilled master.

Never, ever fight with someone who is drinking. It’s fairly common knowledge that you should never get into arguments with friends, lovers, enemies or other miscellaneous parties when you are (both) intoxicated. Probably less obvious though is this part: don’t start or take part in an argument even when you are sober and the person you are in discussion with is drinking.

For the sake of the exercise let’s pretend we’re discussing a couple. He's is out for a few drinks on a Friday night with his friends and she is at a product launch for work, not drinking. (And yes, by all means switch gender labels here). Our couples are having their usual back and forth via text at the end of the day and making plans for a friends wedding coming up, or for adopting a cat, buying a car, going on holidays or lending someone money. For whatever reason the discussion becomes tense and sober soldier gets irritated with topsy tipsy. This scenario could have many outcomes but I’m going to go out on a limb though and say that continuing this discussion, right now, with someone who is drinking is redundant.

Here’s why:

  1. You’re being completely clear, transparent and rational (assuming you are) but I’ll bet my Espresso Martini on the likelihood that the perception of the person drinking spirits is at least slightly skewed. Thus the chance of reaching a calm resolution is like betting against the odds of a bacon and egg roll being inhaled sometime in the next 24 hours.

  2. Frustrating anyone while they’re drinking is like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. Best to avoid it if you want to keep your sanity (and not waste your evening in tears).

  3. (S)He’s likely to say something rude, which (s)he will forget and you will remember. And, as long as you remember it, it’s a problem.

  4. If (s)he’s with friends it’s likely that (s)he’ll tell them you’re being a bitch and then they will collectively decide that the night ahead must be as absurd as the Hangover 4. Even if that's not the case you will convince yourself it is.

  5. Strippers.

  6. Because (s)he will decide that this has nothing to do with issue x and you actually just have a personal vendetta to ruin the night. Even if that’s not the case, you WILL get blamed.

  7. It’s simply not the time. Everyone has the right to unwind and enjoy themselves without the interruption of an argument that can wait. Consider how imperative it is that this is discussed now and simply take the higher road.  Put your phone in the freezer, the cat bowl or boot of the car so you’re not tempted to continue the fight out of sheer obnoxiousness. Then, do the best possible thing in this situation. Go to bed.

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