Part Two of Gender Sorcery explores how the mutability of gender influences the dynamic of a relationship.
With the understanding of gender hybridity and the fact that we subconsciously seek opposite qualities in our partners front of mind, let's consider what this means for the modern relationship and the balancing act of gender disposition.
In short it means complexity.
A male with subtle feminine traits will be more inclined towards a woman with a masculine streak, and vice versa. Again, this means nothing about their gender and everything about their personality and behavioural traits. A man who is more in touch with his emotional side, who is compassionate and understanding and enjoys (what is socially perceived to be) the more feminine aspects of life; living a cultured existence, conversation, language, music, art and beauty may be drawn to a woman who is fiercely independent and possesses some the traits regarded as traditionally male. It’s all a trade off, you see?
If all of this happens on a subconscious level then what’s the issue? If an individual is behaving from a place of authenticity then there’s few complications ahead in the case of perception versus reality. But, if like many times in life we’re acting a particular way to influence the impact that we have on others, or to get a particular result from a situation then we’re probably not presenting a true picture of ourselves and our dominant values, and that leads to trouble.
So, how does this translate to dating and relationship reality?
This happens when we ignore our own needs and wants for the purpose of seeming more desirable. In our minds, as women if we make ourselves seem as easy going, laid back, undemanding and as casual as possible then every guy will love us because you know, why not!?! We bend over backwards to make men comfortable so we’ll appear amiable and easy to be with. Great strategy right?
This approach to finding a relationship is fine if you want to be one of the boys and rarely treated like anything other than a mate. The real problems start when women purposely present themselves this way and pretend to themselves, men and me that they don’t really want any of that ‘girly shit’, that dates are annoying and pointless and flowers are a waste of money and romance is saccharine emptiness. Don’t get me wrong, if that is really your opinion and you feel it in your bones then god speed, go shoot hoops with the bros, but you can never, ever, (if you want to maintain your integrity and strength of character) turn around and say that you want to be treated more like a woman and romanced, because guess what… you SAID you didn’t. And this is the tricky bit, because even if you never outwardly said this (like the example above) if you go too far to prove that your masculine energy is present (and even dominant) then your partner will assume that you never need the opposite, that you need HIM to "be a man" and treat you like "a lady", with tenderness, care, romance, softness. Again, calling on socially dominant stereotypes of gender to make a point here.
Common examples include: females heavily pursuing a man at the beginning of the courtship, or always initiating contact, paying for everything and/or always organising dates. These actions further inflate her masculine position within the relationship which gives the male, no other choice but to slide into the feminine. It’s this undercurrent of their connection that is constantly in a state of flux but that also forms the foundation for the relationship. When we pretend (even to ourselves) that we are an alpha female and don’t want to be romanced and are okay to make the first move and chase a man we are essentially playing into our masculine energy. Ultimately this says to a man that their masculinity isn’t needed in the partnership and they don’t need to do typically masculine things like be protective, decisive or assertive.
Think carefully about how you present yourself, your gender and your needs.