Giving Great Head: A Guide for Men
Cunnilingus, eating pussy, giving head and eating out are all terms we regularly throw around, but in spite of the colloquial familiarity the activity itself remains cloaked in mystery.
How does one make sure they’re giving pleasure through oral sex and not just lazily tonguing an ice cream on the path to penetrative sex? I’m about to tell you. In detail.
I’m not shy when it comes to sex chat. To me, sex should be fun and we all deserve to enjoy it. Yet I’ll admit that even I skirt around talking about sex using high level references more suited to understanding connection and chemistry. Instead of getting grimy I lean on cute words like sensual, erotic and intertwined. Until now, that is.
This article is my attempt to bring pragmatism to one of life’s greatest pleasures. I’ll preface this by saying it is a pleasure splintered by variables of taste and personal preference, and if I fail to hit the spot for you, I apologise. Let me also remind you that I’m a heterosexual woman with a vagina so please forgive my bias skewed by those simple facts.
For context, I’ve done extensive research in the field of oral sex and have recently had the opportunity to pair this physical understanding with real time verbal accompaniments. Yes, kind of like Show & Tell, or watching Netflix with subtitles. It’s through this experience that I’ve finally been able to articulate these explicit directives. To me, oral sex is the GOAT so without further innuendo, please hold my drink while I tell you what really works for women when you’re going down on them.
1. Preheat to 180 degrees.
Just as you can’t have a woman try to fuck you when your dick isn’t hard, you can’t neglect the build up for a woman. For the love of god, please remember that women typically take a little bit longer to get aroused than men, and quite frankly you need to preheat the oven before you put the chicken in. When I use that expression it’s easy to think that I mean you need foreplay before the actual penetration part of sex, but no, you need to create tension before you begin the foreplay. Don’t forget that oral sex, is sex. I’ll leave the “foreplay starts 24 hours prior to sex for women” facts for a different article and stay in the bedroom but you get the idea. Creating tension stems from passionate kissing (go slow homie), a lot of touching, stroking and a healthy amount of teasing. The goal is that you want a woman to be begging you to touch her before you give her that pleasure.
2. The Sahara Desert ain’t it.
With the above in mind, if you’ve been savvy enough to work out the knack of playful teasing she’ll be wet before you even touch her. If you’ve nailed that goal, trust me, you’re halfway there.
3. There’s no faking it.
There’s nothing more obvious than a man who doesn’t enjoy going down on a woman and is giving perfunctory head as a mere strategic move on the way to the (penetrative) sex. Women can intuitively gauge that a guy doesn’t really like giving head, so don’t fake it, and she won’t.
4. Make out session.
If you haven't yet noticed that vulva’s are shaped like lips then stop reading this article, I can’t help you. Although all women are different, the vulva; labia minora, labia majora and clitoris all form a beautiful lip shape, and what do we do with lips? Kiss them. That’s right, get down there and have a make out session with ya girl. Apply as much exploration with your tongue and lips to (all parts of) the vulva. The wetter the better. Poof! I’m a fucking poet.
5. Tongue for president.
The tongue is a dangerous weapon when used well. We all know that gently circling the clit with your tongue is enough to drive most women wild. However, here’s a fun fact, the tongue is a multifaceted beast; it is textured differently on the top from the bottom. Rough on the top and smooth on the bottom. Use that knowledge to your advantage and play with using each different side to explore. Naturally you can also use the tongue to gently penetrate a woman which provides a whole different sensation. Experiment with different pressure and rhythm until you work out what she loves.
6. Body to Body.
Yes, sex is a two person activity and the recipient (although hopefully blinded by bliss) does have a significant role in directing the play. You can gauge enjoyment from a woman by taking note of how the rest of her body is responding. Even if she’s not particularly vocal, pay attention to how she’s communicating physically. If she’s grinding her hips into your face, tugging your hair or nudging your head down then you know she’s forgotten her to do list and is enthralled in the throws of passion.
WOMEN FYI: Girls take note, oral sex is (hopefully) a moment of being completely present so let your body express your excitement, and give babyboy some encouragement by moving with him. It will also intensify your pleasure. Of course you can always don the director’s hat and tell him explicitly what you like; “more pressure there”, “a little to the left” etc, but failing that, allowing yourself to moan audibly and tell him it feels good is the least you can do. If all else fails, don’t be silent. Nobody wants silent sex.
7. Finger lickin’ good.
We love tongues, but we also love fingers. As a small request, can fingering come back into fashion? Whatever happened to a cheeky little finger bang in the car/park/bathroom? There should be more of it. Circling back to the main point though, if you’ve successfully delivered all of this delicious tongue action a woman will be willing to sell her cat for 40c just so that you penetrate her, with..something. At this point I can guarantee she doesn’t care much what it is. The world is your oyster, but let me lightly suggest that now is the time to bring in your manual dexterity and slide a finger, or two into her. Please don’t get overzealous and try anything more than two, we’re not stuffing a turkey. When it comes to the actual insertion of fingers, the slower the better because, again it’s the slow build up of tension. You can of course increase speed but gentle has it, in the end fingers are not a dick, blissful as the fingerbang can be.
8. Orgasm and beyond.
That’s it soldier, you’ve probably made her come, (or close to it), and if not she’ll be begging you for (penetrative) sex. You’ve created the best environment to slippedy slide right into her, and enjoy the fruits of your labour.
NB: You should approach going down on a (new) woman with the zealousness of your first time, because well, it is. Every woman, and every vagina is different and removing the ego and abandoning script will leave you more open to explore her as an individual, and not as someone you can apply the same pussy eating script to.