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Surviving the Morning After

You know what most women have in common as one of their biggest flaws? They say yes instead of no too often. This trait, although endearing and lovable is a double edged sword which can lead you to frustration, humiliation and worse, doormattage; being treated like a human door mat. Be brave and savvy enough to get yourself out of sticky, embarrassing situations before they make you uncomfortable.

How do you navigate the modern dating landscape, casual hook ups and the "walk of shame" whilst still remaining savage, and classy?

  1. Know where you are at all times – so you can uber the fuck out of there.

  2. Always strongly suggest being a guest at his house, so you can LEAVE.

  3. Sleep with one eye open and never, ever let allow anyone to touch you while you’re asleep.

  4. If in doubt obey the Samantha Jones gospel; “Fuck me badly once, shame on you, fuck me badly twice, shame on me”.

  5. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with and never feel like you have to justify yourself. Because you don’t want to is ABsolutely enough reason.

  6. If a man insults your body, looks, style, friends or anything you are wearing, leave. He’s not worth the undermining ego steeped head fuck he’ll bring you.  

  7. Never outstay your welcome. Perhaps he makes you pancakes for breakfast but when 5pm Sunday rolls around and everyone is packing their bag for the gym the next morning you should be OUTTA THERE, or paying rent.

  8. Buying someone a drink is fine, floating them continuously is being a sugar mama

  9. Always leave before a man awakes, you will thank yourself for it tomorrow when your face is smeared all over your OWN pillow and your cravings for Vegemite toast can be met swiftly sans judgment.

  10. Remember, mystery is always better than overstimulation.

  11. Never leave a trace of yourself unless you’re happy for it to be used against you later. It’s not worth abandoning your underwear/lip balm/shoes in the hope that he’ll see you again and accidentally fall in love with you.

  12. If he hasn’t asked you to leave your phone number then don’t leave it on his bedside table. Make him search for it.

  13. Abandon the thought that you can convince a guy to like you by continuing to have casual sex. You don't need to convince anyone of your value.

  14. If in doubt, be savage.

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