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Secret Single Behaviour
Paramount to life sans plus one is the displacement of loneliness. Apparently misery loves company, there’s no aphrodisiac quite like it and dinner parties find one relegated to the corners of intensely delivered inquisitions about singledom. We hear about the hot pursuit of trying to jump into a couple (e.g. Are we dating? How can I make it into a relationship? Should we move in together?) but the scales are rarely tipped in the opposite direction. It’s rare that we are exposed to material that celebrates being single, explores what it feels like to be alone, or, untangles the personal dance that we have between being bored, lonely or blissfully content in our own company.
What better way to begin the official debunk than via the application of well-loved term: “Sexy Single Behaviour”, (SSB) as brought to life by our favourite fictional character; Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City. She’s referring to the activities that we relish doing alone but would never do in front of anyone else, nor would want to.
SSB sheds light on the fact that even though humans have an inherently collective mentality we do need alone time, to be free to do whatever we like without needing to protect others from witnessing it. For the most part all of our SSB verges on mundane but are less than pleasant under the scrutiny of a lover.
After a quick survey of friends I’ve compiled a list of secret single behaviours just to let you know that you’re not odd, you’re not unique, you’re just normal:
picking blackheads and ingrown hairs in whatever florescent light available, or that really good natural light that comes into your bathroom in the morning
sleeping in fake tan
indulging in butter with pasta accompanied by red wine as a default comfort meal
binge watching trashy tv shows
eating nothing but ice cream when you’re unwell
allocating an hour to yourself to get into bed and indulge in shameless Instagram stalking and being delighted when you uncover someone new to put on your list of top 5 voyeuristic tendencies
trying on red lipstick, winged eyeliner and leather, lace or fur then taking selfies before returning to sitting on the couch with your cup of mint tea
dancing in your undies to obnoxious trap music
eating everything with mayonnaise
relishing the chance to wear as many clashing prints as possible at one time secretly thinking that you look like you’re a better stylist than Patricia Field
going home from a party early to eat dolmades and Hummus in bed
collecting packets of flavoured popcorn and ritualistically replenishing your supply when it runs low
standing in the kitchen and eating Gyozas and wine for dinner instead of a balanced meal
eating in bed…literally under the covers in the dark then being surprised when you wake up and find discarded wrappers and crumbs on the floor
yours in SSB xx