The Art of Sex Chat
Sex is fun to talk about. It's flirtatious and it brings an electric energy to any conversation. It ignites curiosity and the imagination. With this in mind how can we get it either so sublimely right, or so dismally wrong?
Here's two recent examples from my own life:
1. In the first example I had briefly met a guy through friends, exchanged a few texts and before I knew it he innocently asked "how I had conversations about sex all the time because he had a boner on the bus" (just from texting me). I let it slide because well, it's a genuine question. TBD means that I am often engaged in conversations about sex. Doesn't mean they're all stimulating. Over a few days he offered to have sex with me. How kind. I actually entertained the offer for a little while but after one date his overtly sexual overtures got boring. Being told someone can't wait to bend you over a couch doesn't leave much to the imagination. Let's not forget that mystery and innuendo are like gold in the initial stages of dating. They make things exciting. Laying it all out creates a cognitive dissonance instead.
2. In the second example I met a guy whilst I was out at a bar. We chatted for a while and he took my Instagram details. Over the next few weeks we exchanged lots of texts about normal life things; work, drinking habits, music and daily routines. None of it was overtly sexual, yet some of it erred on the side of flirtatious. It was certainly interesting enough to make me want to keep the conversation going. Although we did discuss some intimate life details; shower preferences, dating histories and things we found attractive nothing was overtly sexual. One night we did enter into a more salacious conversation, but even then it was cloaked in subtlety and mirrored the tension filled tête-à-tête that we engage in physically with a new lover. As it happened, the one night of enjoyable sexting was where that experience ended but it was enough to remind me that with sex, it's better not to lay it all out too soon. The beauty comes from the build up, just as it does in the physical act of sex.
I was so curious about the art of sexual conversation that I took it to my guys atSubject Two Changeand we discussed it on a podcast episode together. You can listen to that here.