The Central Vortex of Attributes

Triangles make the world go round, which is ironic really if they’re definitely not round.

Triangles dominate our theories; scientific, mathematical, geometrical and philosophical. Triangles symbolise balance; that elusive concept that humans relentlessly chase, clutching the idealism of reaching it with the ferocity of a madman. (Refer to ‘The Trifecta” article.)

It seems triangles have infiltrated the behavioural side of life too and relationships and romance aren’t safe from the methodical evaluation by pointy fire.

If sociologists like Abraham Maslow used his observations of adult life and progression to create theories around the way we arrange what’s most important to us, for the purpose of understanding who we are then why can’t take a similar approach to relationships? At least this way we’re not running blindly with scissors in the direction of the heart.

Enter the Central Vortex of Attributes aka the Central Prism of Love as written by yours truly.

Let me explain… When I was 19 or so, I set off to Byron Bay on an extended road trip with my best friend. There were several heart strings pulled and I came face to face with my first real taste of unrequited love.  Rather than torture myself about it I honed my analytical skills and evaluated the situation in the best way I knew how; by developing a theory. I decided, over many kilometres driven through bushland and DIY Car Pimms Cups sipped that I had worked out the essence of love, and thereby the most important fundamental components needed for a relationship to begin.  I was so certain of the validity of my invention that I got it tattooed on my ankle as soon as I arrived in Byron.

The basis of the theory is that you need only to fulfil 3 simple components of attraction to warrant the beginning of balanced relationship. Let me reiterate that this is to be a starting point of a relationship. It doesn’t take into account future ambitions, behavioural characteristics or lifestyle fundamentals (though, if we went into it I would argue that everything has it’s place in this prism). It’s enough to ‘assess’ whether you’ve got something worth passing go and not collecting $200 for. Of course, simple is one of those trick adjectives that actually means the exact opposite of what it implies.

Simplicity is undoubtedly beautiful but the crux of it remains so illusory in our clumsy attempt to capture it. What starts as instinct and raw emotion gets abolished when our thoughts try to redefine what becomes a messy amalgamation of head vs heart.

The 3 points of the Central Vortex of Attributes are as follows: (see above)

1. Personality/Character

It’s abundantly clear that to really connect with someone on a deeper level there must be more than a physical attraction. This means you like most elements of their personality and it is compatible with your own. Indicators that you have personalities that mesh are things like whether you can be in the same room together for more than 90 mins, can you have a conversation about substantial issues without thinking ‘what is WRONG with them?’, are you happy when you’re in their presence? Does the way they walk through life make you feel good? Does their energy match yours? Can you spend time with them without needing to check social media to fend off boredom every 12 minutes? Do you fight like children all the time? Do they make you tense? Feel loved? Make you want to be a better person? Can you understand them? Do they understand you? Is communication easy? And a very, very important question: Can you do absolutely anything in the world with this person and still have a good time? Even if what you are doing sucks balls? (think post office queues, flying, long drives, Sunday afternoons in the rain, getting lost, walking the dog, family gatherings, shopping for groceries)

2. Looks

There’s no denying that the way someone looks does play a part in the way you feel and are attracted to them. You need to be compelled positively by the way that someone looks. Sexual energy makes up a significant part of a pairing and wanting to impress your partner because you find him/her attractive is a big part of maintaining your own personal happiness, their happiness and, a fantastic sexual balance between two people.

3. Mutual Attraction

Possibly the most important bit of the prism.  You cannot (and should not) enter into any type of relationship (thing) without the knowledge that the other person feels the same way about you.  Doing so is both redundant and denying yourself the chance to love and feel loved in your full capacity. Forcing a relationship (on your behalf or someone else’s) will eventually unravel into a messy heap of resentment, guilt and hurt.  You need to have an open exchange of love, emotion and commitment for a relationship to be in the right place. Seems simple huh? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stamped my foot over the realisation that just one point of that basic triangle was not fulfilled and therefore NULL & VOID, even in my very attempt to resuscitate or ignore it.

Here’s some of the ways that it doesn’t work:

Dense Beauty – Hot and into me but as dumb as door nails or so boring that I’d rather spend 1.5 hours trying to translate Giraffe than having to drag words out them – YAWN

Mythical Beast aka. The Unicorn  – Sexy and smart but doesn’t even realise I’m alive. Settling for day dreaming is the bittersweet reality that you face in this scenario

Good on Paper, not in the Pants – Intelligent, switched on and extremely attentive but ZERO sexual spark, chemistry or attraction is present.

If you’re having trouble in ascertaining whether any type of ambiguity in a fresh relationship is valid then look no further than the Central Vortex to help you work it out.

Yours in triangles.

N.B – The above photo was taken of me, in Byron Bay on the way to get my triangle tattoo of the theory. I’m so young! That skin!