Top one million great things about being single
(Yes, I said one MILLION)
We all reach that certain age when everywhere we turn friends and family alike are getting married, signing mortgages and popping out kids. At such times it's easy to fall prey to thinking there's something wrong because your relationship status hasn't even remotely flickered since it was cool to boast about it on Facebook. It can be confronting to find yourself amongst a group of couples or meeting new people who repetitively ply; “Why are you single?”.
Here’s some reminders about why it’s really fucking great0 to be solo after all.
Going to get your morning coffee doesn’t cost $97 after you add in the necessary muffins, bagels and sandwiches to fuel the insatiable hangry animal next to you
There’s no need to politely try and tell someone that you don’t like something or you don’t want to do go somewhere because you simply don’t
Fake tan on your sheets? Nobody is whinging.
Got your period? No worries, and no need to apologise, or explain emotional volatility
If your dirty clothes are sprawled all over your own floor it’s nobody’s fault but your own
If you don’t want to eat 17 times a day, that’s acceptable
You can go back to the blissful fantasy reality that nobody poos
You can dress however you like without the concern of heel height, or a man ‘understanding’ your outfit
More Christmas presents FOR YOURSELF
You don’t have to wait around for anyone to finish work then casually tell you that they’re going to play football, train, bond with people, or overuse their thumbs on a brain numbing video game and come to the realisation that the last 87 minutes that you’ve been waiting for them to call/half applying mascara just in case is a waste of time
You don’t have to write a memo, diagram or fucking flow chart to make someone understand why their actions have hurt you and why they should apologise
You don’t have to ‘take the high road’ and be the ‘bigger person’ when you know you’re actually right
No more pretending to enjoy boring action, post apocalyptic, fantasy films
You don’t have to play it cool while he and his flatmate talk about how many hot chicks there are at xyz bar or how out of control sexy Jasmine Pookes Tookes is
You don’t need to worry that someone else’s complacency may indicate that they don’t want to be in a relationship
You can stop worrying about ‘that chick on Instagram’ that he had a flirtation with but didn’t fuck because he’d drunk too much Mount Gay and couldn’t get it up yet theres still sexual tension despite the fact that he denies it
Nobody will breathe their boozehound breath on you in the morning
Your indecision will only irritate you
Spending all of your money on a Chanel bag needs zero justifying..