Personally I find it hard to believe that a relationship is something you could just ‘fall into’ but maybe I live on the officious side of life. How does this happen? You walk around, minding your own business slip into a bottle of champagne and trip onto a penis? Next thing you know you’re at Bunnings on a Sunday morning searching for Devil’s Ivy? Nah uh. There are a BUNCH of cognitive, full-blooded, heart searching decisions that (should) arise before you pass go and start sharing washing powder. I say should with an air of suspicion because if they’re not appearing, blatantly then you’re deeper in denial than I would hope for.
Just in case you are harbouring one of those really awkward niggling feelings about the accidental relationship you’ve kinda fallen into, then here’s some solid signs you need to go forth and GTFO!
You’re only at peace being pleasant towards this person after 14 margaritas.
Your living expenses are too high for just a single person so splitting rent seems like the only valid option.
You’re staying together for the sake of your fur baby.
You're kind of fond of Australia and want to live here. Relationship equals visa.
He or she pays for your rent/college tuition/gym fees/travel or luxury goods addiction.
He or she is your boss.
Every day you wake up and wonder why you’re not taking photos of half naked babes frolicking in wet white shirts and then realise you’re not allowed to because, relationship.
You have nobody else to text for a booty call.
You’re digging for dirt on your other half just so you can exit stage left with a scrape of your integrity intact.
All of your friends are getting married or having babies and you cannot attend anymore celebrations as a single person.
Sunday afternoons are extremely lonely.
Your plant collection does not talk back.
You don’t want to return his jeans/basketball singlets or aviators if you break up.
You don’t like your own company.
You’re just waiting til after Christmas/Valentines Day or their birthday so that you can respectfully break up with them
They’ve guilted you into staying with them more than once so you’re just a bit stuck
They’re an emotional crutch to distract you from the other things in your life that you don’t like much.
You think that if you break up with them you’ll be single forever and end up as an old cat lady with a large collection of scented candles
You’ve come this far so you may aswell get married, get a mortgage and be miserable
You’ll break up with him, just as soon as you lose 5kg, get a new job, go to Thailand together, move house, pay off your loan.
Breaking up with someone is hard, sad and exhausting. Living inside a relationship in which you feel your soul rotting is even worse. Cntrl Alt DELETE!