The Alpha Woman

I recently stumbled across an article about why it’s better to date Alpha Females. It’s great, it’s super pro female and emanates #girlpower which really warms the cockles of my vagina.

Reasons to date an Alpha Woman include: she’s independent, she’s genuine, not clingy, she’s fearless, confident and doesn’t have princess tendencies.

Is it only me that has an issue with the concept of the alpha female that’s currently dominating pop culture? And no, i’m not referring to the hashtags #girlboss, #savage and #queen. I’m referring to alpha epidemic that’s challenging gender stereotypes but also leaving both sexes confused, and mostly dissatisfied. I wrote more on this in my article about Gender Sorcery.

Are we now defining women (and their dating eligibility) based on whether they’re an alpha? And if so, isn’t that demeaning? Isn’t it also negligent to the other facets of our personalities to imply that you’re less dateable if you’re not fearless? Or if you’re a bit of a princess? What if you’re both? I’m independent AF but when the cookie crumbles I sure as shit want someone to sweep me up, massage my feet and bring me a glass of champagne while i’m getting glam in the bathroom. Is this type of hybridity classified as a weakness?

More to the point, isn’t it rather, ummm rude, to classify your date-ability by character specificities publicly? Really, it’s similar to saying “I only date blondes”, or “Must be have big biceps”….? I mean, we all do it, but it’s rather private and it’s very bad manners to intimate that another person should be any other way than they truly are. Particularly in the public sphere.

Let’s discuss this concept of the "Alpha Woman" before I choke on my own vomit.

First off, and perhaps most critical to this concept is that the Alpha Female is a stereotype developed as a reaction to a perception of gender that is starting to break. This deconstruction of gender roles has a long and convoluted history, which plays a significant part in the way a contemporary woman behaves, and is seen, both by herself and by the outside world. I won’t argue with the fact that gender roles, perceptions and behaviours are changing, but I also won’t dissect that here.

Because of this, we all need to remember is that the Alpha Female is an iconic character that portrays a list of traits ticked off only by the gatekeepers of constructed, societal values that place her in said box. It would be fair to say that the iconic Alpha Female could marry Batman and life would be perfect. Two Alpha characters and lots of leather. Hot. The point is, they are both fictional characters.

Secondly, being an alpha female doesn’t make you the ultimate feminist. It’s presumptuous to think it does. Allowing yourself to be defined by a set of fictitious traits could actually be deemed anti feminist.

According to current pop culture trends, men are more attracted to the Alpha (rather than non alpha) women because….

She’s confident

Confidence is a personal trademark that I genuinely hope everyone owns, regardless of their alpha-or-not image. With the constant emphasis on being an alpha many of us start faking it without realising what the consequences are. And if that’s the case, you’ll unravel just as hard as you alpha.

She’s genuine

See above. Not if she’s faking it into convincing herself that she’s an independent AF Alpha and doesn’t need a man or anybody else’s love, help or attention. C’mon, let’s be fucking real (and human) here.

She’s not intimidated by men

Apparently being an alpha helps to separate the boys from the men via intimidation. If you need to stoop to intimidation tactics, whether conscious or not then you also probably have issues with maturity and should be in a super hero cartoon strip. You don’t need to categorized as an ‘alpha female’ to intimidate a man. And if you are intimidating to a man this says more about him than it actually does about you. Intimidation is a complex te-à-tête that many pairs (regardless of romantic linking) tread over time and can be good, and bad. Certainly it’s a transaction that can’t be limited by a do/do not intimidate tick box.

She’s Independent

Being independent is a character trait highly regarded for any human being, regardless of your gender in 2021. If you’re not independent over the age of 25 then you’ve got issues, whether you’re an alpha or not.

She’s never clingy or needy.

Alpha women are not clingy or needy. They also don’t poo, eat carbs or spill coffee on themselves.

Being clingy and/or needy should definitely be on your list of things to avoid as an adult, but it does happen to the best of us in the worst of situations; killer flu, going to a party alone and sober AF, newly broken up with, moving house. We’re all prone to moments of vulnerability, (sorry alpha’s that means you too), but they are not what define you. In fact, being able to define the moments in which you feel like this and either divert or act accordingly is better than having an alpha ‘avoidant’ attitude towards weakness.

She doesn’t act like a princess.

Because “An alpha doesn’t like to be doted on.” Also, another neatly applied stereotype, but okay, I’ll work with it. The only reason an Alpha is uncomfortable with being doted on (perhaps hyperbole for kindness, care or chivalry?) is because she’s trained herself out of it, and into complete independence. There’s nothing wrong with accepting attention, chivalry or generosity from another person as an authentic sign of appreciation. There’s no need to be a hard ass for the sake of being stubborn. Letting someone treat you well doesn’t make you a princess, instead it indicates a high level of self value. 

She will motivate her man to be better and aim higher.

This concept seems completely anti alpha to me. I imagine said alpha female spoon feeding their peasant of a partner with granules of opportunity and leg ups, swallowing their testosterone as they go. I’m definitely being dramatic, and, inverting stereotypes. But for the sake of this argument a good relationship will have a fundamentally ingrained pillar of support that seamlessly goes both ways. Part of being supportive in a relationship also means that there remains a level of acceptance that both of you are progressing towards something, or, looking for a true something. Ipso facto you always motivate regardless of your alpha (or not) status.

She won’t do anything half-assed

You should be able to check yourself for this on a personal level. Apparently this pertains to relationships because an alpha female naturally applies full effort (to everything). Nobody should be in a relationship if they’re not intending on putting in effort. All the time. Full stop.

She’s fearless.

Also perfect for the cartoon strip. Queue Xena outfit, fire and lions den type scenery.

Now, how important is it for you to be an alpha?