Updated: Sep 7
Fellatio, blow jobs, sucking dick and giving head are all terms we regularly throw around, but in spite of the colloquial familiarity the activity itself remains cloaked in mystery.
How does one make sure they’re giving pleasure through oral sex and not just lazily tonguing an ice cream on the path to penetrative sex? I’m about to tell you. In detail.
I’m not shy when it comes to sex chat. To me, sex should be fun and we all deserve to enjoy it. Yet I’ll admit that even I skirt around talking about it using high level references more suited to understanding connection and chemistry. Instead of getting grimy I lean on cute words like sensual, erotic and intertwined. Until now, that is.
This article is my attempt to bring pragmatism to one of life’s greatest pleasures. I’ll preface this by saying it is a pleasure splintered by variables of taste and personal preference, and if I fail to hit the spot for you, I apologise. Let me also remind you that I’m a heterosexual woman with a vagina so please forgive my bias skewed by those simple facts.
As a woman, I enjoy giving head (almost) as much as receiving it and for the most part this healthy appetite has led me to intuitively understand how to deliver pleasure, alas I’m not here to discuss my intuition. For the sake of this article ya girl got deep into an experiment that included explicit directives about how to give great head, (yes like Show & Tell or watching Netflix with subtitles) and as a result I can finally articulate how it's done.
(Mum, if you are reading this, please, dear God, close the damn tab).
Men are sensual creatures, too.
The narrative that men 'just like to fuck' is flawed. Thanks to porn we've been lazily seduced by the twisted reality that men will attempt to dry hump anything and move through life with a fully fledged erection. Sure, there’s men out there that desperately want to bend a woman over a table, throw his dick around with reckless abandon and call it a day. And yes, there’s still a time and place for that. Back down in reality, guys appreciate build up and tension as much as women do, though I suspect they can get turned on with a lot less. Never forget, the penis drives the man, and with this fact in mind, if you can cultivate tension, well, the man will obey the penis. If I surveyed a bunch of men about how happy he would be receiving a surprise blow job, I’d assume most would say yes. Outside of those occasions though, kissing, touching and stroking before removing the pants does influence the scoreboard for men. Erogenous zones are aplenty so experiment with the neck, ears and nipples. It’s also worth noting that men don’t mind a bit of roughing up so you can use your nails to stroke his back, upper arms or legs. A little healthy clawing never goes astray, and more importantly it demonstrates to a man, physically, that you’re into him.
Balls in your court.
When your man is suitably aroused you can get down to the exciting activity of unwrapping his, ahhhh, package. Keep the teasing in mind though and rather than diving straight into deep throating caress the balls and penis with gentle strokes. The contrast of light stroking will form a unique esoteric imprint in his mind between the light pressure and what’s to come next. Balls are sensitive, bless them, so handle them with care and don’t be afraid to give them a gentle suck.
When Cardi B said “Lick it like a lollipop” she was wrong.
It sounds spicy when Cardi B bangs out the line “Lick it like a Lollipop” but she’s taking advantage of creative liberties. Don’t take it literally. The tip of the penis is extremely sensitive so you need to treat it as such. Not all men are the same but too much attention paid to the tip, licking or otherwise will cause them to recoil in discomfort; the opposite of what you want.
Yep, giving head is mostly about mouth to penis action but including hands adds another layer of connection, and allows you to apply a little more pressure. Whilst we’re not licking it like a lollipop, you can hold it like a lollipop. A firm grasp around the bottom of the shaft will put you in the best position to do the whole sucking thing and has the added benefit of asserting a bit of dominance on your behalf, which has to be hot. Own the experience, it’s your dick to work (even if momentarily) so act like it.
Ditch the Dyson.
“Sucking dick” as a term is mildly misleading. You shouldn’t be sucking like you’re a Dyson. I’m going to attempt to break this down as elegantly as I can but really, it's messy. What we think might look like sucking is actually putting an open mouth over the penis and deeper into your mouth. Sure, you can give it a bit of a suck but it’s not like savaging a zooper dooper. Once it’s in your mouth you can do what you like (depending on its size). On the underside you have the top of your tongue which slides along it. At the top you’ve obviously got your teeth, but leave those out of it, unless explicitly asked not to. Depending on your appetite you can take as much, or as little of the whole head and shaft of the penis into your mouth, and throat. You don’t need to be a genius to know that this is where the expression “deep throating” comes from. As a side note, there’s no need for speed or aggression when you do this, though organically you’ll build a bit of pace around the action.
This right here, dear reader, is your sweet spot, and with the occasional change of pace, caressing of the balls and some open-mouth-tongue action you’ll soon be ushering in a whole lot of bliss.
FYI MEN: Do not ever push a woman’s head down to force your dick further into her mouth or throat. We know you like it and want more, but the aggressive shoving is confronting (particularly when breathing and your oesophagus is compromised). A lot of us don’t mind a firm tug of the hair but leave skull fucking or face fucking to A$AP Ferg lyrics and behave like a gentleman, please.
Guys like it wet too.
At the very crux of it, men are all animals and the full metamorphosis takes effect when you’re giving them head. They’re a whole different beast. Yes, even David from Finance. This is why a little bit of saliva will make him feel like all of his Christmases have come at once. Spit on it if you have it spare, otherwise get in there with a mouth full of water, or my personal favourite, a slightly melted ice cube.
Approach oral sex with a sense of enthusiasm. If you don’t enjoy it, are offering it only as a perfunctory step before sex, or to return the favour then the lack of enjoyment works against you. This word of warning applies to both genders equally. Don’t play with your food, eat it because your enjoyment IS a turn on in itself.
P.s. No cucumbers were harmed in the process of writing this article.