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Please, just text better.

It may seem superficial to judge a human being (as opposed to a robot) on their ability to write a text message. However, it’s now a known fact that a text message is the channel of communication most frequently used to extend an invitation to a date. With this in mind could there be a high relativity between textual ability and romantic success?

Admittedly it might be a bit stiff to judge a real human with emotions, distinct character traits and unique neuroses by the way they use characters via short messaging service (SMS) to convey how they feel, with a degree of sophistication. It feels both superficial and blatantly rude to determine potential romantic attraction and even future love for someone by their texting skills. But, it's 2021 and suddenly not knowing the meaning of IRL, lit, FML, IDK, SGTM, and ILYSM means that you're relegated to the depths of communication death. After all, if your main method of communication (text) isn’t an option then how else will this otherwise amazing person connect with you? Messenger pigeon?

The difficult part of this equation, or textual exchange, is having enough insight to know whether someone is bad on text, or if they’re just thoroughly beige. If they’re interesting in person, but make you fall asleep via phone is it worth perusing? Are they simply not interested enough or are they just dry toast? Being able to differentiate could make the decision between pursue or ‘leave on read’ a whole lot easier.

Quintessential to the equation is this question: “How will I actually make it to the next date if I’ve died from boredom after too many texts that have made me feel like napping.

I’m still puzzled about this, because, to my knowledge most people communicate via text the way they speak in person. If it equates for some, why doesn’t it work for others?

Unfortunately, ambiguous text messages only heighten the blur between two people trying to communicate.

If no texts displays a lack of interest loud and clear then what does a boring text, or a closed off text mean? On a date, if someone fails to ask questions about you and instead talks about themselves for the majority of the time does it generally suggests that they’re nervous, or egocentric? And is that the same when you translate to text?

As your trusty devil’s advocate i'll remind you that it’s really your prerogative and every scenario is different, but, if it was me and a haze of ambiguity was clouding my dating potential I would engage the rule of 3.

Here’s my tips for working through untangling the zzzzz’s:

  1. as always, if you’ve texted someone 3 times with no response, DO NOT CONTINUE TEXTING THEM

  2. if someone is not engaging you with their texts, i.e not asking you questions apply to rule of Z 3 also…

  3. if they are responding to your questions but not asking them in return, 3 x z’s and they’re out. Once is human error/normal, twice is a slip of awareness and 3 times you’re snoring. If there’s a fourth they’re probably a sociopath anyway and you should ABORT mission, URGENTLY.


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