Generally speaking I try to refrain from being inspired by negativity, but hey, we can’t help how creativity comes to us. Here’s the quickest route to bring ruin to a relationship. If you frequently exhibit any of these behaviours, check yourself.
Hate Men – This is a really easy trap to fall into if you’re just out of a relationship, or disenchanted by fuckboys. However, if you’re IN a relationship and hate men then it’s not a great sign. Basically we attract the energy we portray, so any negativity you are feeling towards the male species will only be returned to you.
Lose your Identity – Meeting someone and falling for them usually takes place at a time when you are quintessentially yourself, and happy with the way all of the pieces in your life are coming together. This should not falter because your relationship status changes. The minute it does, and your own character is compromised you’ll start to place too much weighting on the relationship and quickly cannibalize, losing your identity as you fall.
Be angry and argumentative – For the most part anger is scary and not hot, unless it turns into passionate hate sex. Being argumentative on purpose is really draining, and it’s not the best way to help inspire positive chemistry or attraction with another human. Avoid it where possible, and understand that if you’re being driven to argue constantly with your partner then there’s probably something wrong.
Don’t Count Calories – If you’re in a (long term) relationship you need to drop the self obsession with weight loss and aspects of your vanity that a male won’t appreciate. By drop, I mean subtly conceal. Talk to your girlfriends about your laser, Botox and IPL appointments and your 300g weight gain because men a) don’t care and b) find it really fucking irritating to listen to you whinge about your insecurities, and c) it doesn’t help portray self confidence or reassure your partner that you like yourself and, that they should too.
Be insanely jealous – Most of the time jealousy is an indicator of insecurities, either your own, or the insecurity you feel towards the relationship. It’s also toxic and causes undue stress and anxiety for everyone involved. It’s natural to feel jealous at times but (try to) control it, or, discuss it so you can dismantle any perceived truth behind it and reassure yourself for the future.
Compare it to other Relationships – We are all as unique as snowflakes and all of that palava. Which means, there’s certain types of snowflakes that each of us will be attracted to, connect with or fall for. Every relationship is completely different to the next based on a bunch of evolving variables. You can’t compare your relationship to your best friends, Prince Harry’s, or even your own (at age 23). If you view each relationship as the opportunity to explore yourself and embark on an adventure with another person then you’re likely to maintain an inherent positivity towards it, and reap the benefits.
You’re not Accountable for your Actions – See also, lacking in self awareness or possessing emotional intelligence of -158,000. If you don’t know your part in a problem, or, are not willing to do whatever you can to find out AND correct it then this means you lack accountability and should consider being single (and going back to primary school). When you’re in a relationship there’s little room for selfish behaviour (them the breaks!) and, there’s even less for not owning your mistakes. Your choice.
Let Anxiety rule your Behaviour – Behaviour that stems from emotional reactionary impulses is often linked to anxiety and insecurities. If you flip out when you don’t hear from your partner for 2 hours and your reaction is greatly more dramatic than the crime then it’s detrimental to your mental health. Get on top of it, or out of the relationship.
You’re in a Rush – Being too impatient about the future of your relationship is not only detrimental for the outcome (and for the mental harmony of your partner), but it’s a buzzkill and means you risk missing all the fun along the way. Ultimately this jeopardises the dynamic of the relationship and has the potential to squash the chemistry and connection. Remove the speed dealer glasses and calm the fuck down. Things will fall into place, the white picket fence will rise from the dust and you have 45 years to be married, old and toothless together.
Stop Communicating – Evidently communication is fundamental for humans, and the key to a successful relationship of any type. All of your unhinged, internal thoughts, concerns and issues should be expressed (elegantly) with your partner so they’re aware of how you’re feeling and can act accordingly (or step on out). It’s a basic human courtesy that we owe one another, and despite it seeming very simple, it’s one of the easiest thing to fuck right up.